Forgive Me, Father
by Indiana
Summary: Kurt reflects on his new situation in life, and a temptation he's seldom experienced before. X2 SPOILERS!


Disclaimer: these characters are the property of Marvel Comics and 20th Century Fox, don't belong to me and never will, mores the pity. No money is being made from this - it's simply for fun and writing practice. There's no point in suing me - I'm a student and all you'll get is a load of books and a few diabolical essays.  
  
***********************************************  
  
Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.  
  
Kurt Wagner crouched elegantly on his comfortable bed in his new room at Professor Xavier's School for the gifted, eyes roaming over everything, drinking it all in like the wine at communion. How things had changed for him in a few short weeks only. Before he had been the incredible Nightcrawler, a circus performer, and unwilling assassin targeting the President of the United States. Now he supposed he was still Nightcrawler, but he was also Kurt Wagner, teacher of German and gymnastics, with a home at a school and students and friends.  
  
Thank you, Mother Mary. He smiled wryly as he remembered how terrified he had been just after his attack on the President. He recalled it with startling clarity, his every twist, turn and teleport, throwing the country's top bodyguards about like confetti at a wedding, his rational mind trying desperately to hold himself back, to escape, the part of him that held his faith crying out to his Saviour for just that - salvation. And then, there was another part of him -  
  
Kurt closed his eyes in repentance.  
  
Part of him had relished it, to see the fear he could inflict, revelling in his power and strength, and had even hungered to spill blood.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. He had escaped without breaking the commandment however: thou shalt not kill. He thanked his Lord for that much. He had prayed feverishly after that, more desperate than he had even been before, more convinced than ever that he was a hell spawn, made by the Devil and meant for evil. It had been his nadir, his lowest, darkest point. But the night is always darkest before dawn.  
  
The Lord had a plan for all things, something Kurt believed in implicitly. And if he hadn't been forced to try and kill the President, he wouldn't have been found by Storm and Jean Grey. He wouldn't have been able to save the life of Rogue - the one deed that made all his suffering worth while. He wouldn't have been able to help Storm free her Professor and the children. And he wouldn't be sitting here right now, amazed at his good fortune.  
  
And Storm would never have gazed into his eyes and told him that she had faith in him.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
  
For she was his greatest joy and his greatest sin. He had gazed upon her and his desire had ignited like a bonfire under the desert sun. He loved to watch her always, watching the play of light in her silvery hair, the expression of her face, the graceful movement of her hands, the glow of her eyes as she used her power. He loved to listen to her as she taught her students, her accent making her voice musical and sweet to his ears.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
  
But that was not all. At night his dreams betrayed him. Dreams of kissing her, of holding her, of allowing his hands to do - he was ashamed to even think it. But he treasured those dreams, hoped to have them at night. He did his best to preserve them when he awoke in the mornings.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
  
And they came to him when he was awake. Storm lived in his thoughts constantly, she haunted his memories like a beautiful apparition, a reflection of an angel come to earth. He loved to spend time with her, to talk with her about their respective pasts. Him, a blue skinned circus performing Catholic, and she, the orphan who had been worshipped as a goddess, both of them teachers at the same school, with a mission - a crusade even.  
  
The Lord reveals Himself in mysterious ways.  
  
True - how true Kurt realised only now. But his sin - desire itself was in the nature of all men, himself included. Sin though it might be, it existed, and he felt now more strongly than he ever had before. He prayed for forgiveness each night, though his desire mingled itself - was at times even surpassed by - another emotion, a far higher, purer one than simple lust.  
  
For Storm was the first woman Kurt ever believed himself capable of loving, truly and unselfishly. She was wonderful, exquisite, beautiful, and brave. Kind and loving - everything he had ever wanted or dreamed of. She was angry, yes, but as she said, that could someday help her to survive. Besides, anger could be forgiven.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
  
But his own sin . it was not merely desire that Kurt repented of. But in truth he . he did not repent. He wanted those dreams, as he wanted the woman he felt himself beginning to love. He wanted to have her, to be with her, to know her, and to love her. And yes, to indulge his desire. He wanted his sin; he wanted it more than anything he had ever wanted in his life before. And if he had his sin, he knew he would never repent of it, for how could something so beautiful be a sin? He would revel in it, glory in it, and ask for it again and again, treasure it as he surely would treasure Storm. Oh trespass sweetly urged, give me my sin again, he thought, recalling the copy of Romeo and Juliet he had found in the library.  
  
Yes, he wanted that sin, and if he were ever to have it - then he would never repent of it.  
  
Kurt opened his eyes, flipped lightly onto the floor, and knelt at the foot of the bed, fingers holding his rosary reverently.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.  
  
And yet he still saw her face in his mind.  
  
**********************************  
  
Storm paused in her walk through the grounds, to gaze up at the window of Kurt's room. She did not see him, and surmised that he was probably praying. His faith surprised her a little, considering all he had been through, and yet on another level it gave her hope for the future. But still she could not understand why someone as wise and compassionate as Kurt felt the need to pray for forgiveness so constantly. He was a truly good, noble man, devoted to his God. If a man like that felt the burden of sin, then what sins did she carry upon her soul?  
  
Storm sighed, about to continue with her walk, when suddenly a familiar blue face appear at the window. Kurt glanced down into the garden absent- mindedly, when his gaze landed upon her.  
  
Their eyes met, almost involuntarily.  
  
Storm felt her pulse quicken, and she smiled. Kurt's eyes betrayed him as he looked down at her, and he smiled also. Then suddenly he disappeared in a cloud of blue smoke, only to reappear at her side a moment later. Storm's smile widened in delight. She was still captivated by his ability, though she had to admit its side effects were less than delightful.  
  
"May I walk with you?" Kurt asked, as Storm's eyes lit on the tail swinging gracefully behind him.  
  
Storm realised in a flash of clarity what sin he must have been asking forgiveness for. And she was guilty of it too.  
  
"You may," she told him, and they continued their way through the school grounds. Neither spoke - there was no need.  
  
On impulse, Storm stretched out her hand - and smiled as Kurt took it. They walked slowly under the trees, hand in hand; content just to be with one another - for the time being. Storm glanced over at Kurt just as he did the same - their eyes met for a brief second before Kurt looked away bashfully. But Storm didn't.  
  
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, she thought. 


End file.
